When did selfish become such a “dirty” word?
And how has it got us feeling just so DAMN GUILTY anyways?
Now, I’m not talking about “there are two doughnuts left so take both” style of selfish- I am talking about SELF CARE SELFISH.
Or rather, the type of “selflessness” mistakes that I see many people make- including myself.
As if we don’t already have enough things to take care of in our own court, we are apparently, expected to say “yes” out of a feeling of obligation instead of actually wanting to do what we end up doing.
I am just going to come out and say it. I see it all too often- people doing things because they feel that they have to and not because they really want to.
As if there is something wrong with just saying no.
Does this sound like you?
That is how I felt a few years ago, but not anymore. I am here to tell you that it is the time to learn….
To Be Selfish Without Feeling Guilty.
There needs to be a mental shift- a proper understanding of the following:
We need to take care of ourselves properly first in order to be the best version of ourselves for others.
We need to start standing confidently in recognizing that it is okay to not do anything for anyone unless you have taken care of yourself first.
And when I mean “we” I mean that I still sometimes have situations which I need to take a moment to understand- am I doing this because I want to or because I feel that I have to?
And where does his “feeling that I have to” come from?
The Big Question is WHY. Why are we doing things that we don’t want to do in the first place?
Guilt? Buy why? Why the guilt to meet your own needs first? Do you not feel deserving? Do you need to work on self-confidence or love?
Fear? But fear of what? Being alone? That you might make someone mad that you won’t do what they want you to? Are they really that much of a friend anyway if they cannot understand if you don’t want to do what they want you to do?
Just some questions to explore….
For myself, I did not want others to think I did not care about them- but at the expense of my own wellness and livelihood?
I am blessed to be surrounded by people who can easily accept my “no” without taking it personally. And then they know that when things are a “yes” it is a FK YES!
But again, situations still come up.
And I still need to revisit the questions above.
The Dramatic Downfall From Doing Things Out of Obligation
Doing things out of obligation ends up in resentment and stuffed emotion (anger) which can result in suppressed rage, depression caused by feelings of never getting one’s needs met or living a life for others- and this can further result in health problems (physical and mental).
But not honoring your own needs first you are doing nobody a favor- especially you.
Start honoring the person that matters the most.
I would love to hear your thoughts and comments on this post!
Love & Light as always,