Looking back at everything, it is amazing to think how far I have come on this journey, and just how little I am affected by what once haunted me all the time. I am keeping this post at the top of my page, because the essence of this post truly is the essence of my blog in its entirety. The ups and downs, twists and turns, highs and lows- they can all be found throughout the posts woven throughout this website. As I continue to grow and evolve, so does my writing and so does this site…. so..
I am keeping this at the top. Keep checking in for changes as my journey continues.
I want to express to you that all my posts, my thoughts, my journey- they have all led up to this point. I was once mindlessly consuming unthinkable amounts of food and at the worst of it throwing up ten plus times per day- sometimes all day (if I had a day off from work). Glamorous, I Know.
And the times in between…food was not allowed…. it was a cycle of restrict, binge, purge repeat.
Preoccupied thoughts of food consumed me.
It is no life to live.
If you struggle with an eating disorder yourself, then you know exactly what I am talking about.
And from my personal experience, it was (is) never, ever, really at all about the food.
This was my own fist step of awareness towards recovery. It was the understanding that it was so much more than just “being a perfect weight”. It was more than reaching an external aesthetic goal that -to be frank- I could never reach because if I did it still wasn’t good enough- I wasn’t good enough.
I reached a point where I had had enough. Physically exhausted and mentally incapacitated. Something had to change.
Small steps, that is what it took. Consistent effort – bit by bit and day by day.
By focusing on myself, my growth, my spirituality and making incremental changes over time, I am now a mother to a beautiful baby girl, I am not only in a healthy relationship but a spiritual partnership, have many amazing friends, and spend minimal time feeling consumed and overwhelmed by any foods or eating disorder related behaviours.
I am now free from restriction, binging and purging, and many other unhealthy ritualistic habits I would perform to ease myself of any internal discomforts.
Also, like every other human- I still can have days in which I struggle. However, I am better equipped with personal tools to navigate through the darkened waters of such days.
I hope that my journey can help you in yours- where you or and whatever you struggle with.
I am here to tell you that recovery is possible. Life is beautiful. Keep on trying- I am here via this blog each step of the way.
Leave a comment below, with any questions or content you would like to see further on this page.
Also – I am not a doctor, psychologist, councillor -etc. I am just sharing my own personal experiences of what has worked for me and my recovery.