There are many reasons why someone could find themselves in a long distance relationship- perhaps (like myself) you met someone locally but circustances change (aka life happens). Or maybe the *non existent* dating pool in your area has forced you into unchartered geographic dating territories (I have some friends that are pretty much there). Maybe you met “the one” and they happen to live in a different city or country- whatever the case, you might be wondering how to manage a long distance relationship. *Podcast Below*
So I am speaking from the perspective of someone who is 21 weeks pregnant and currently in a long distance relationship due to the fact that my boyfriend works in another province (think State if you’re American). His plan is to move here once the baby comes- hopefully before- but in the meantime, here are some of my tips on how we have managed to have a pretty good long distance relationship.
But First, Where’s Your Head At?
Before we even dive into the tips, I need to ask you this: where is your mindset at in relation to having a long distance relationship?
Yes, I get it – it’s not necessarily ideal perhaps. I recognize that this is an inevitable feeling that will come up when you are away from the one that you love- but there is an obvious “other side to the coin” mentality that I am bringing up here. There are actual benefits to having a long distance relationship that you can focus on that can actually make you start to appreciate and dare I say it possibly enjoy having a long distance relationship- at least at times.
I have found it helpful when I focus on the fact that distance makes the heart grow fonder (aka you appreciate the time you do have even more with a person you don’t often get to see), you get to keep a sense of independence, there is opportunity to embrace the self-development and growth that will happen within the space of a long distance relationship, there is typically enhanced communication and trust building, and it allows for building a deeper emotional connection.
That’s Great- Now How Do I Manage?
Keep Up With Communication
we are SO lucky that we have technology- so Skype, text and phone can be your best friend. This being said, we don’t need to have 12 hour conversations- we typically touch base in the am and afternoon via quick texts and then a video call at night. Being open about where are what we are up to for that day/weekends keeps open lines of communication and builds trust. At 21 weeks pregnant there is really not much trouble I will be getting up to other than a half pint of double chocolate ice cream so personally, things have been going well in this regard. I would imagine that it could be a bit more challenging if I was me 6-7 months ago- pre baby, when I would go out for drinks and appys on the weekends (okay let’s not kid ourselves I was selling real estate it was turning out to be nightly). The point here is to be open and honest with where and what you are doing- your partner needs to trust you. You need to be a trustworthy partner if your in a relationship- I think I’ve said enough for you to get the idea here. This could be an area you. need to work on- long distance relationships help to work on areas of self growth.
Trust Your Partner
If you can’t trust your partner than. you may want to evaluate why you are with them in the first place. Having trust eliminates anxiety and worry- it dosen’t come up for me in this relationship which clearly means that I am in the right relationship and I would imagine that I am lucky because I recognize that things can be different and it dosen’t necessarily mean that you are not in the right relationship to begin with.
We have been visiting about every 2 weeks so far (for the weekends). As I move farther along in my pregnancy the idea is that he will just come here but for now it has been that way- great segway into the next tip
Make the Most of Your Time When You Are Together
The first thing we do when I get of the plane is we go back to his place and we *censored content*.
And then we spend good old quality time together which means our cellphones are barely by our sides (we check our emails but you know) and we truely appreciate each others company. This also means (for us) doing absolutely nothing together.
Have a Life When You are Not Together
One thing that I think helps us both (immensely) is that he is super busy doing life/learning/working and so am I… well okay I have taken some time off work but I am creating new work here online, learning, creating.. I am NESTING, and I have so many amazing friends that I get to spend time with. So although we miss each other we have things that we do and lives of our own, we are not spending out days rolling around on the floor apart *I save that for Sunday’s JK*
Making Future Plans
So all of these tips are leading up to the fact that there is an eventual plan to be together full time- unless you’re both happy with doing long distance to have more space and independence (nothing wrong with that either but in my case we are having a child together). It has been helpful to discuss open and honestly what the future looks like- as in timelines, future plans and goals together, etc.
Writing this, I realize I have it real good in a sense that my partner is very open and honest in communication with all areas/activities in his life, dosen’t actively engage in social media (aka I don’t need to be worried about all that extra sh!t that comes along with men who play around online- been there, done that, no thanks) and he has an active plan of pursuit to make his way back here in the next couple months.
We have been doing long distance relationship since the beginning of “our” (my) pregnancy (I’m the one who is actually pregnant, okay? This is another topic) and it has not always been easy but a focused mindset and being with the proper person using the above tips has made for (what I feel) quite a successful long distance relationship. Do keep in mind that I am quite independent.
Are you in a long distance relationship? How are you doing with that? Let me know if you have any tips of your own, comment below I would love to hear from you!