“I’m Never Drinking Again”.
Valentines Day, just passed you see.
Rich’s mother came in to watch Aria so we have had a bit of a hey-day acting like two teenagers again…. nerdy teenagers who want to be working off their computers for most of it, however Friday night (V-Day) had me(us) in complete shame the next day.
I’m not going to sit here and try to tell you that I won’t be having a glass of Kim Crawford next week- but you know it goes, in that moment.
I don’t know if it’s the cold weather and lack of sun, but I have been a bit blah-zee lately. It seemed to have dissipated now that I have started back up with my blog.
It reminds me of the habits we have, that if we don’t recognize them then it can keep back up on us and sort of tap us on the shoulder, as if to say “Hey You- Remember Me?”.
See, although I can consider myself ‘A Recovered Bulimic’- as in I have not engaged physically in a binge and purge (B&P)- I cannot forget that the B&P is the result of something much deeper- as in my ability to work on deeper issues before they come up past the surface and manifest itself into a binge and purge cycle, I can create space between that of which I may need to learn, and that of which I would rather not deal with or forget.
KEY POINT: If I can work with the root issues that cause of my anxieties/discomforts/triggers then I can release the desire to binge and purge, and I also eliminate the need to control my environment to compensate for what I am feeling inside.
Everybody is different on how they go about learning, and possibly relearning the lessons that cannot be swept to the side any further- the pains, the discomforts, they are all apart of the process of healing.
For me, books were a great first step in self discovery. Life Path Research done through Numorology, Natal Charts, and so on were my first step.
Meeting Yourself Within
When you first start your journey- your journey of self discovery, it is quite exciting! All the different tools will be and become available. A new mindset might interest you too (hypnotherapy, meditation, law of attraction, etc). I’ve tried them all. I also did Heilkunst, HeartMath, Body Talk, Accupuncture, etc)
I am curious to know in what ways you will be guided- what your path will be…. the invitation you accept to meet yourself within is amazing if you allow yourself to be open and guided by a higher space.
The Journey Will Be Different For Everyone- But One Thing Remains Constant.
And that one constant are the habits we have formed for ourselves and taking the responsibility over such habits that we can have control of, if we do the work.
If we learn the lessons.
If we revisit our habits and commit to doing the work to release them and create other habits, better ones.
What I have Learned From Myself:
1- Healing Takes Time
It is okay if I feel a slight regression at times- because when I look at the bigger picture, all those small steps, they have all added up to something
*I will be doing a video explaining what I did to start to slowly shift away from my Eating Disorder. Little things that I did to start to “create space” from what my old self, so that my new self could come forward.
2.- I have lessons to be Learned More Than Once
I am haunted my mistakes that I have made more than I would like to mention. But sometimes it is okay to learn a lesson more than once. Perhaps I needed a bit more of that lesson, to understand myself and the world around me.
3.- I Need to Be Creative
I need to have a creative outlet that I can work on … for me that is this blog. It is the most realist and authentic version of myself posted on the World Wide Web for anyone and everyone to read. It is me showing up and letting you know “here I am”. As much as I love to post about my perfect life I can also be far from “perfect” and I can have a shit day too. I am human. Let’s authentically connect”.
4. I AM IN CHARGE
I am in charge of my life- sometimes I keep forgetting that. This is a lesson for me continue to learn. I know I am in charge, but sometimes it can go forgotten. I need to continue to do my spiritual work and studies, however they may appear. I need to be open to the fact that I am being guided- by sometime greater than myself, and yet I am also in charge. The habits that I choose for myself, bit by bit and step by step they all add up to something.
SO I need to recognize the choices I make- and having ‘too much to drink’ is one of those choices. Only I can be the one to ask myself if “every once and while” is okay to feel like crap the next morning, or if it something that I do not want in my life at all whatsoever. Where might have I used that excuse before in my life? What am I feeling? Was this just an occurrence of having too much fun on Valentines Day? Or are there deeper emotions surfacing forth? Any ISSUE/ANXIETY/DISCOMFORT/TRIGGER- that is making me drink too much tonight?
These are the questions I ask myself- open with my awareness and eager to address anything I might need to learn.
Leave me a comment if you do the same.
FULL DISCLAIMER: (I actually think that I just drank too much at the farm to table food and wine paring, plus now I am a cheap drunk because I don’t drink nearly as much as I used to). The beautiful thing and success can be seen where I didn’t get 2 AM pizza and throw it up. (Old habit/Just being real with you).