Where do I begin? Well really, today was “that kind of day”. I ate like shit, I felt like shit- I basically had a ‘shit day’ that comprised of just feeling shitty, although nothing really that bad happened.
So in my last post I discussed why I feel like a failure sometimes, and I talked about doing something for myself during the next 7 days consistently. That one thing was supposed to be getting myself to briskly walk for 30-45 minuets because I have not been as consistently active as I usually am. Needless to say, this did not happen… and although I am quite far along in my ED recovery, things have been a tad bit off the past couple days. I just need to be honest.
Recognizing There Is More
I want to point out that it has been a week since I saw a lady who worked with my higher self and realigned my chakras. This would be considered a form of energy healing or shifting work that can often bring things up for a person at a later time (hours, days, weeks after a session).
For those of you who have followed my journey for awhile, you will know that I am no stranger to energy healing and have also done a form of homeopathy, Heilkunst, for a few years consistently. During my healing transformation through Heilkunst, I experienced “healing reactions” many times-I would feel off, moody, my ED would get activated, etc. Upon having a healing reaction I would then experience a release, and make a shift forward. Fast forward to today.
The journey of recovery is not linear, but is filled with peaks and valleys. Over time dramatic improvement has happened for me, but that does not mean that I still do not experience some struggle from time to time. ESPECIALLY, during times like these.
I am in a powerful time of transformation, and I am also pregnant, so naturally things will be coming up for me- and today was no exception. It was evident today after being on a phonecall with a close friend that I was possibly having a ‘reaction’ which could possibly be triggered by last weeks session. My friend let me know that I was acting out in bouts of anger and it seemed to be similar to the healing reactions that I have had in the past. I was encouraged to call her and when I did she picked up that I should come to see her for a complementary follow-up.
I was honest with her, telling her that since our session the eating disorder has been flaring up – what makes me know she is the real deal is that fact that she knew the exact age that I started when I was younger (13). She asked what happened when I was 13. I told her, I don’t know. We are going to work on that tomorrow.
Yesterday I could feel that I was off- and I figured that commiting to taking a walk for 7 days consistently would put me in a better frame of mind- this usually works! Today however, I recognize that there is something much deeper that is coming up for me that I need to work through. Let’s just say that a walk would probably help a bit, but it wouldn’t fully cut it with what I am actually needing. Today, in replace of the walk I gave myself rest. I also made the decision to face my truth with where I am at, and seek additional support in a way that I feel is best for me at this time.