Emotions Healing & Recovery Lifestyle Mind Spirit

The Truth About My Separation

The truth is, separation for me in many ways has been a blessing. It seems like I am really living life in accordance with my number 9 energy (it is a completion year for me according to numerology).

My house is super clean and organized, my bed is made every day- just how I like it I might be low-key neurotic about having a certain aesthetic with my house, and I completely fine with this.

I’ve told nearly EVERYBODY to stop inviting me for charcuterie and wine, instead they can join me at the gym if they want to see me. Not kidding, if you want to hang out we can go to the gym and do incline power walking on the treadmill and chat.

Here are the 9 truths about how I am dealing with my separation

  1. I get more time to myself AND I LOVE IT. The reality is now I get more time for me. It’s beautiful. My daughter now splits her time between my place (we call my place the “country house” and her Dad’s place “the city house”. She loves to spend time at both. We also have *currently* an open door policy to join in on outings such as the beach, library or hiking during days that we do not have her but would like to see her. Our daughter always has been our priority- so keeping that in mind we can move on to….
  2. I am finding it easier to be more awake and conscious- with myself, as a parent, as a co-parent. I recognize that life’s experiences are here to teach and shape me, and I recognize my ability to harness my resilience and strength through what many would consider to be a turbulent time. I also recognize that my daughter’s father is a piece of her, and to treat him as such. Words and actions are important. Modelling good behavior for our children is not always easy but it is crucial.
  3. After over 10 years of self development there is still more to develop. Sigh. It doesn’t end. So instead of looking at the destination as the goal I may as well enjoy the experience of life in all its flavors of beauty along the way. My current vibe: recognizing my patterns of fearful avoidant attachment style that I have along with also being securely attached (yay, some work has paid off) and also discovering myself in deeper layers along the way.
  4. I have to remind myself of the 7 stages of grief, and I am curious if I need to go through all the stages… Some days are easier than others, and it is okay to turn to help. I think it might be necessary to spend a season in therapy. I won’t get into the details of my past relationship in respect to the other person, but I will say that I am oddly feeling a sense of peace with us no longer being together. In the same breath and thought I feel like I should be feeling more…. sad…? Anyways, I am a bit confused with my (lack of) emotions right now so I will be seeing a therapist to uncover if there are any stored emotions that I have stealthily tucked away so that I don’t have to deal with them. I would prefer to deal with any emotional stuff right now and move on properly.
  5. I have no interest in even thinking about a date- and I feel like it is a good thing! Pretty self explanatory 🙂 I am definitely in a space of just wanting to honor and be with myself a lot more.
  6. I finally feel like coming back to my blog- probably because during periods of transition such as this, there is a lot more for me to write about and connect with you on. Interesting….
  7. The inevitable just really crept up suddenly- and I think it was a good thing! There were underlying issues that were getting “swept under the rug” so to speak. I was able to then explore my attachment style to see my own contributions to the ending of the relationship as it does take two to tango. I can honestly say that the way things were going it was only a matter of time. If I am very honest, I was not happy for the past while and so this ultimately came along at the perfect time.
  8. I am able to see the bigger picture and get along- at the moment and hopefully it stays this way, we talk regularly (Aria focused) and have an open door policy for activities such as the beach or the library. We welcome having us both there for her benefit. I write this also mentioning that I could definitely have chosen the path of a “scorned woman” however I do not see life reflecting to me a path of deeper understanding of myself, of my ex, and of growth. But please, don’t forget to re-read point 4 =p

Well, there it is. I skipped the parts where I lashed out verbally (trust me, it was not pretty). Maybe I uttered threats to burn some of his stuff that was still in my basement, but things are good now. Such items have been removed and I ended up staying in bed, much to lazy to actually follow through with my contempt. After further reflection, I recognize I lashed out because I felt hurt and unheard, which led me down the path of defaulting to a volatile fearful avoidant state in that moment, and this mirrors to me the pain that I obviously needed to address within myself before turning it onto another.

Probably time now to get going with finding that therapist to work through that more, and also accept that there ain’t no shame in my game for being a human.

I hope that my 8 reflections of my separation can help to inspire and motivate you to know there is always a better way to look at things, I am a HUGE believer that life works for us if we are able to release our grip of how we think it needs to be and understand that our journeys are an unfoldment similar to that of a movie or novel.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on your relationship, and if you are also going through a separation.

With Love,

AK

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