Today was a harder day. Of course. These are the days I choose to write. OBVY.
I woke up thinking… what the fuck is this life about?
Ever think that you are completely done with something only to come up around the mountain and to be with that something yet again? Hopefully, this something can be viewed from a higher vantage point as this would indicate forward movement up the mountain- providing a different perspective. The ability to view something in a slightly different way gaining further awareness and insight.
Maybe I should digress a bit-so a week has passed since the spiritual retreat which included two ceremonies and some mind and body blowing breath work. One might think I would come back a “better version of myself” but I have been feeling completely fucking off since. I went into it like a glowing goddess, feeling great, with no complaints about my life. So why is it I feel like crap??
Well, I have a funny feeling that maybe any residual shit deep inside was shaken up to be released out. This is my only current theory. I don’t even know if I am right. It’s easier for me to tell myself this anyways, I like the theory as it confirms my bias of being on a path of continual self growth and healing. HAH.
I finally have some time tonight to spend in contemplation, writing, journaling. Just spending some time with me. I have been so busy I can’t even think of when I have had this moment- taking some time to write. Spending time quiet with myself. Present for myself.
I don’t really know how I view sadness anymore. I cannot tell you that I feel particularly sad about anything at all- MENTALLY and logically. Life is great.
But today I felt this crazy residual sadness coming up. Is it even mine? I guess I should just sit with it. I’ve made some mild attempts at reaching out to friends likely as a distraction but I really feel like I just need to sit with this…
So this is moving up and around the mountain. Coming up against feels and shadows of fuck-knows-what. Noticing that I approach the discomfort in perhaps a slightly different way. A new perspective to old dimensions of being.
Maybe that is what life is about.