Hello friends. Here I am, sitting in The Meantime. I just finished my 6th and “final” shamanic session with a beautiful and powerful healer named Ayssia. I also did my reiki certification through her so I am attuned in levels 1 and 2 reiki. I just finished journaling. Sort of a breakthrough actually being able to journal in a way that has flow. Not sure if I mentioned it but my journals were discovered, read through and shared in the past so I think I had some sort of PTSD or trauma around that which made it hard for me to journal. Bonus was that I started this blog and then sort of treated it like a journal. My thought was that if I share what I write with the public on my own terms then I feel safe. Makes for decent posts I guess, but as I am sure you understand there is still a level of censor.
I’ll the continue with this play-by-play.. if you have read this far along you must be committed. Aria is with her father. Of course I miss her but I am also happy to have some quality me time. Spotify in the background. Finished a tea. Life is good.
I have been silent on here. No desire these days for “that social media”. I don’t know, it doesn’t interest me right now. Maybe later? I love looking at recipes and parenting tips on instagram but other than that I don’t have tic toc and who even goes on Facebook anymore am I right?! Also… I don’t write for SEO. I just write. I can see that my post ranks low for SEO- whatever. Share this I guess if you feel inclined because I go by the belief that if a person is meant to see it then they will.
As I sit here surrounded by books, I need to make sense of what I should keep and what I want to give away. I have two books that I want to cover in this post that go hand in hand and are also very different. The first one is quite fitting given my current unfoldment of the last year and it is called “In the Meantime” by Iyanla Vanzant. I could not help but reach into my “at some point” bin of books. This lucky discovery was just what I needed – a gentle yet persuasive reminder of how important this time is for me, as a new year has unfolded and planetary consciousness continues to increase. If you are newly separated or feeling less than satisfied in your current “arrangement”-I invite you to explore this book as a potential option to look outside the confined box of a so-called-romantic relationship of which you are currently finding yourself in.
The author draws from her own personal experiences of wounding and love. What it means to actually be in love- how love has been skewed from ever loving to self serving and potentially we might not know it. Our earliest experiences of love can be traced back into the womb. It has me reflecting on my own experiences. Downloaded experiences from past generations.
What Has It Taught Me?
The main thing that came up for me was self abandonment and expectations. I can’t help but think about how much growth I feel I have done since five years ago. I found it easy to abandon myself and be supportive towards my own needs – this is not uncommon as it is generationally taught from mother to daughter which I will cover more when I talk about the next book. The book has some fantastic prompts to ask yourself such as:
What is my vision of Love? What am I looking for? What am I looking at/with? What do I expect from love? Do I really feel I deserve love?
Where am I? How did I get here? What was I trying to accomplish?
What do I really want? How can I create this experience?
Enter in, The Mother Wound.
The next book, “Discovering the Inner Mother” by Bethany Webster talks about the trauma and pain created by intergenerational continuations of belief systems built within an establishment of a patriarchy. It highlights the mother and daughter relationship and the patterns, habits, beliefs that have been woven into society which creates a tense and often painful dynamic between mothers and daughters. This is not a book to blame or shame mothers– but rather an insightful view on how the history of “the expectation and pressures put on mothers” has created strained relationships with daughters and when left unaddressed is continued to be passed down over the generations. Of course it is layered, individual to each family… it has great question prompts that essentially ask a person:
What emotional needs did I feel were neglected during my childhood and how has this played a role in all aspects of my life moving forward?
Of course there are so much more within these books, I invite you to read them yourselves.
I am a mother and I am a daughter. I am also a mother of a daughter. The responsibility of me deep diving into a pure and true self love and also having an understanding of a mother daughter dynamic and the ancestral/generational patterns within our family lineage that have played an impact in my own life is my own responsibility. For myself and for my daughter. As we heal ourselves we heal the past, present and future. We heal those around us and future generations to come.
We heal the world.
So, I am quite enjoying my “meantime experience”. Filling it with experiences that are oh-so-soul enriching and having a schedule which has opened up allowing me the time to do it, it’s brilliant. I am so grateful.